Active listening techniques

Ascolto attivo ed empatia: I segreti di una comunicazione efficace di [Daniele Trevisani]
Article translated by dott. Federica Franca, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

1.8. In-depth analysis of active listening techniques and empathy

Active listening is linked to paralinguistic and non-verbal communication and it includes:

  • verbal active listening techniques;
  • paralinguistic active listening techniques;
  • non-verbal active listening techniques.

These techniques will be examined in the following paragraphs.

Let’s underline now an essential aspect of empathy:

  1. the person who is talking must be aware that they will not be judged. They also should not be ashamed of what they are feeling or saying, no matter how odd or serious things are – from their point of view; empathy is a special area in the space-time continuum – a person can say everything they want, without facing any negative consequences;
  2. the person who is talking must be aware that they can start making some progress and moving forward only when they have accepted themselves as they are, not matter what they did or what they thought, whether they like it or not.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am,

then I can change”.

Carl Rogers

1.9. Verbal active listening techniques

Verbal listening techniques focus on the use of all those words that express attention and willingness to understand.

  • Open questions: who, where, when, how, why, with whom, how long and other questions that broaden and clarify the conversation.
  • Closed or clarifying questions: they verify parts of the speech through “yes–no questions”, or other general answers (“a lot/a little”, “before/after”). “It happened just before meeting Angela” “How long before it happened? One hour? One day?” or “Are you happy with your car?”
  • Mirror technique (reflection of content): repetition of sentences – or parts of sentences – the speaker said, without modifying or altering them. The mirror technique comes from the empathic listening methodologies used in the Rogerian1 therapeutic interview. It is a psychotherapeutic technique that allows the speakers to deepen their thoughts – and to express themselves. “So, you are telling me that…”
  • Paraphrase: use of “as if”. Trying to understand what has been said by using metaphors or examples that are useful to figure out whether we really understood the deep meaning of what the other person is saying. “You are telling me that it seems like they poured water into your jug without realising it was already full, am I right?”
  • Factual and historical overview, summary: repetition of what has been said by summarising the main points of the “story”. “If I got that right, what happened could be summed up by saying that…”
  • Verbal encouragement: e.g. “good”, “interesting”, “yes”, “okay”.

1.10. Paralinguistic active listening techniques

Use of vocalisations that show interest in the “story” and simplify expression – e.g. guttural speech sounds and whispery voice such as “Uhm”, “Oh”. Giving a written report of these expressions is not possible, but if we listened to a person that “listens well”, we would notice that they make careful and particular use of paralanguage and sounds during essential parts of the speech. Paralinguistic techniques – together with visual non-verbal techniques – aim to provide phatic signals (contact signals), so that the interlocutor understands that we are listening, we are understanding and we are focused and interested.

1.11. Non-verbal active listening techniques

Non-verbal active listening techniques use body language to express interest:

  • Open and leaning forward posture to express willingness; relaxed body posture;
  • Proxemic (approaching and moving away): reducing the distance from the interlocutor during moments of great interest, moving away in moments of loosening;
  •  Facial expression: vigilant, careful and caring – not doubtful, ironic or aggressive;
  • Vigilant and direct gaze;
  • Eyebrow movement combined with key points of the interlocutor’s speech;
  • Nods – approval or rejection;
  • Soft, slow and rolling gestures to communicate a feeling of relaxation and to encourage moving forward;
  • Non-verbal metaphors: use of body language to show comprehension of what the interlocutor is saying.

In terms of non-verbal level, it is important to consider that many cultures restrain non-verbal expression of emotions (e.g. Asian culture), but this is also a communicative stereotype – it has a probabilistic value and does not provide certainty.

In short, the main techniques for effective listening are:

  • curiosity and interest;
  • paraphrase: the listener repeats what they understood (that does not mean agreeing with what the person is saying);
  • summary and recap: rephrasing what the interlocutor said in order to gather information;
  • targeted questions (conversational refocusing) in order to clarify unclear parts of the speech;
  • avoiding personal questions until a solid relationship has been established;
  • offering the speaker the opportunity to figure out whether what they understood is correct, accurate or, on the other side, twisted and incomplete;
  • listening not only words, but also feelings and non-verbal signals in order to assess feeling and moods;
  • checking for correct understanding of both feelings and content and not ignoring the latter;
  • do not tell people how they should feel or what they should think (during the listening phase, it is essential to just draw information, without teaching or judging).

One must not judge men as we judge a painting or a statue, to a first and unique look; there is an interiority and a soul that must be deepened.

(Jean de La Bruyère)

These attitudes are essential and they determine the quality of the listening phase. Yet, regarding business listening phases, they should not be confused with the goals of a whole negotiation (that includes listening and propositional phases and statements – which sometimes are harsh or assertive).

During a negotiation, modifying what other people think (cognitive and persuasive restructuring) or how they feel (emotional action) is possible – this is one of the strategic goals –, but this goal can be pursued only once the negotiator has succeeded in actively listening, using empathy in order to understand the situation in which they are working.

Listening is not only a technique, but it is also expression and connotation of a state of attraction and love – that can also be just an idea, not necessarily a person. Stopping listening means that something between that idea and us broke and we have to choose between mending that relationship by listening again, or letting it go forever.

“Love ends when listening does.”

Enrico Maria Secci


[1] Rogers C.R. (1961), On becoming a Person, Houghton Mifflin, Boston; Id. (1951), Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications, and Theory, Houghton Mifflin, Boston.

Fonte: Dott. Trevisani D., Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016, Milano.

Other online material available in these sites:

Other available online resources

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Riepilogo Didattico V Lezione

dott. Daniele TrevisaniNEGOZIAZIONE INTERCULTURALE – Comunicazione oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.

dott. Daniele TrevisaniParliamoci chiaro, Gribaudo, 2019.

dott. Daniele Trevisani, Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace, Franco Angeli Edizioni, Milano.

dott. Recalenda Marco, appunti da corso di Negoziazione di prof. Daniele Trevisani www.danieletrevisani.it www.comunicazioneaziendale.it, Padova, 25/03/2021.

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM

Corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels

Parole chiave della lezione:

  • Problem solving
  • 4 modelli di empatia
  • Modello 4LE
  • Creatività
  • People management
  • Pensiero critico
  • Capacità di coordinamento
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Capacità di negoziazione
  • Ruota di Plutchik
  • Topic shifting
  • Empatia comportamentale
  • Empatia relazionale
  • Empatia cognitiva
  • Empatia emozionale
  • Leadership emozionale
  • Evocazioni semantiche
  • Reframing cognitivo
  • Ghost costumer
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Flessibilità cognitiva
  • Orientamento al servizio
  • Goal setting
  • Emozioni miste
  • Impression management
  • Metacomunicazione
  • Capacità di giudizio e decisione

Concetti fondamentali trattati:

  1. I modelli di empatia sono 4: il modello di empatia comportamentale, che consiste nel comprendere i comportamenti altrui; il modello di empatia relazionale, ovvero con chi ci si relaziona; il modello di empatia emozionale, cioè la comprensione dei sentimenti e delle emozioni; il modello di empatia cognitiva, che consiste nel come si affronta la situazione.
  2. L’intelligenza emotiva è la capacità di un individuo di saper riconoscere quale stato emotivo sta vivendo.
  3. Con Metacomunicazione, si intende il rendere i termini che vengono utilizzati in una negoziazione in maniera esplicita, specificando il codice comunicativo che si intende utilizzare.
  4. Le evocazioni semantiche sono dei richiami a mondi percettivi che si innescano ricorrendo a determinate parole e/o gesti.

Sintesi del mio apprendimento:

Ho capito che è necessario possedere una buona intelligenza emotiva per saper riconoscere gli stati emotivi che possono influenzare una negoziazione.

Ho imparato a distinguere i 4 modelli di empatia al fine di affrontare una negoziazione al meglio.

Ho riflettuto sul fatto che è necessario uno sviluppo delle proprie abilità e capacità cognitive per poter ottenere risultati positivi nella negoziazione.

Fonti:

dott. Daniele TrevisaniNEGOZIAZIONE INTERCULTURALE – Comunicazione oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.
dott. Daniele TrevisaniParliamoci chiaro, Gribaudo, 2019.
dott. Daniele Trevisani, Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace, Franco Angeli Edizioni, Milano.
dott. Recalenda Marco, appunti da corso di Negoziazione di prof. Daniele Trevisani www.danieletrevisani.it www.comunicazioneaziendale.it, Padova, 25/03/2021.
Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM, corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels Corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels.

Other online material available in these sites:
Sito Studio Trevisani Formazione Coaching Consulenza (Italian & English)
Sito Daniele Trevisani (Italian)
Website Dr. Daniele Trevisani (English)
Comunicazione Aziendale
Comunicazione Interculturale
Medialab Research
Intercultural Negotiation (English)
Operational Negotiation (English)
Linkedin Profile Dr. Daniele Trevisani

Other available online resources
Pubblicazioni e libri dott. Daniele Trevisani (Books published)
Rivista online gratuita di Comunicazione, Potenziale Umano e Management
Iscrizione gratuita al Blog Studiotrevisani.it tramite Email
Canale YouTube
CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Riepilogo quinta lezione del Professore Dott. Daniele Trevisani (25 marzo 2021)

Dr. Daniele Trevisani – Formazione Aziendale Ricerca Coaching home

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM-94

Corso di Negoziazione, vedi https://www.ciels.it/avada_portfolio/trevisani-daniele/?portfolioCats=74

Parole chiave

  • Empatia comportamentale
  • Empatia relazionale
  • Empatia cognitiva
  • Empatia emozionale
  • Evocazione semantica
  • Leadership emozionale
  • Metacomunicazione
  • Reframing cognitivo
  • Ghost costumer
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Goal setting

Concetti fondamentali trattati

  1. Evocazioni semantiche: richiami a mondi percettivi che si innescano tramite l’utilizzo di determinate parole e gesti;
  2. Metacomunicazione: parlare del linguaggio, spiegando ed illustrando il codice comunicativo che si sta utilizzando in quel momento;
  3. Intelligenza emotiva: capacità di comprendere quale stato emotivo stiamo vivendo, conoscendo e sapendo etichettare le proprie emozioni.

Sintesi del mio apprendimento

  1. Ho imparato l’importanza della leadership emozionale, ovvero il saper gestire e dirigere le proprie emozioni;
  2. Ho capito che il reframing cognitivo, ovvero spiegare ed esplicitare alla controparte i termini e il codice comunicativo che stiamo utilizzando, è fondamentale per la buona riuscita di una qualsiasi negoziazione;
  3. Ho compreso quanto sia essenziale stabilire gli obiettivi che si intendono raggiungere (goal setting).

Fonti

Other online material available in these sites:

Other available online resources

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

The Scale of Listening Levels

Ascolto attivo ed empatia: I segreti di una comunicazione efficace di [Daniele Trevisani]
Article translated by dott.ssa Federica Franca, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

2.9 Empathic listening

Listening without bias or distraction is the greatest value you can pay another person.

(Denis Waitley)

Empathy is a superior and highly advanced state of human relationships. It means learning how to put yourself in someone’s shoes in order to feel what they feel.

Empathy – per se – is neither positive nor negative: we can also use it to understand the way outlaws and killers think and to find out what their next move is going to be (strategic empathy).

 In wider terms, when referring to everyday human and professional relationships, empathy is positive and rare. As Jeremy Rifkin points out:

“empathic consciousness is based on the awareness that others – like us – are unique and mortal beings. We empathise with people because we recognise their fragile and limited nature, their vulnerability and their one and only life; we experience their existential aloneness, suffering and struggle to exist and evolve as if these feelings were ours. Our empathic embrace is our way to sympathise with the others and to celebrate their lives”.[1]

Empathy is rare because it requires the subtle ability to “tune in” emotionally and to understand the hidden, emotional and personal levels of the interlocutor’s experience – rather than the numerical or objective data they expose. Empathy also uses metacommunication (meaning “communication about communication itself ”): for instance, it fearlessly asks for the meaning of a word it does not understand or it explains useful ideas for the communication process itself – when the listener does not speak.

Empathic listening is rare. We could say last time we found it was when a person listened to us for an entire hour, without talking about themselves – only listening to what we wanted to say (both information and emotions) and asking questions for a better understanding. If this has ever happened to you, it was probably during a coaching, counselling or therapy session. It rarely happens in daily life.

Shorter periods of time – but with the same listening intensity – can be found in real friendship or with loyal partners at work, but the attention is not necessarily focused on one person – as it happens when talking about empathy. Besides, if specific courses to learn empathy are needed, it is because school, academic education and manuals tend to give information, rather than teaching how to listen.

Just as the art of narrating exists – firmly codified through thousands of attempts and mistakes – the art of listening also exists, equally ancient and noble, which, however, as far as i know, has never been validated.

(Primo Levi)

The most difficult part of empathic listening is the suspension of judgement. If anyone says, “I hit my child” or “I threw the rubbish bag out the window”, it is impossible not to judge. Yet, “suspending the judgement” means precisely that – and not to “make judgement disappear”. Suspending it is fundamental in order to understand what, where, how and why certain things happens. If we did not do it, we would miss a large part of the information we could obtain.

2.10. Sympathetic listening

Sometimes, some fondness are so powerful that, when meeting for the first time, it feels like meeting again.

 (Alfred de Musset)

Sympathetic listening expresses affinity towards the speaker; it aims to both listen and show affection and delight during the interaction. Sympathetic listening is not necessarily better than empathic listening; it is just different. Here the priority is to give to the other person the feeling of pleasantness and closeness. Making the interlocutor understand that we are interested in what they say is fundamental – not only regarding the information itself, but also for the person expressing it. The act of listening becomes part of a relational game that has a seductive component; what we are interested in is not a passive data analysis, but we strongly admire and appreciate what has been said. Listening shows human warmth, delight and appreciation, with both verbal and non-verbal communication. Let’s consider a very practical aspect: sympathetic listening brings people closer and this is an excellent psychological strategy for a deeper and more accurate listening.

“We usually consider as good listeners only those people who share our opinion.”

François de La Rochefoucauld

Sympathetic listening can be easily – and wrongly – defined “panderer listening”, but let ask ourselves whether we live in a society that is stingy with compliments. Our society is quick to judge and blame – and it is also stingy, even when we do something good. That is why sympathetic listening – whenever there is the right opportunity – is a precious gift.

When we listen to a person and we sense something good, we should feel free to experience it, without being ashamed.

“Does the song of the sea end at the shore or in the hearts of those who listen to it?”

Khalil Gibran

Throughout the manual various techniques, methods and strategies to practise active and deep listening, to reach hearts and minds, to gather information and to work effectively together will be described.

Yet, whatever our intentions and abilities, there is one thing that cannot be taught, but only recommended: to be willing to listen.

Fig. 4 – Levels of listening quality

 


[1]  Jeremy Rifkin (2011). La civiltà dell’empatia. La corsa verso la coscienza globale nel mondo in crisi. Milano, Mondadori, p. 532 [Eng: “The Empathic Civilization: The Race to Global Consciousness in a World in Crisis. N.d.T.]

1.1.           Other online material available in these sites:

1.2.           Other available online resources

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

1. Listening, empathy, emotions, conversational leadership

Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace

Article translated by dott. ssa Eleonora Brusamento Spinelli, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

People don’t listen, they just wait for their turn to talk.
(Chuck Palahniuk)

Effective listening essentially has two meanings: 1) when listening has been useful to gather information and better understand the state of things, facts, and people; 2) when listening has been a pleasant, welcoming moment of relationship, in which we were able to act as an emotional container for the person.

When these two situations occur, we are experiencing effective listening. It is a quite rare situation. During a lifetime, no gold is as rare and as precious as someone who understands you.

Some questions can be useful:

  • Have you ever had the feeling that a person is not listening to you?
  • That they do not want to hear you, or that they cannot hear you at all?
  • Or have you ever felt that while you are talking, the other one is saying things halfway, not saying everything, holding something back? Out of willingness, sometimes, or out of incapacity, or out of fear, who knows?
  • Have you ever felt that persons you are talking, give a false idea of themselves, practising some form of “Impressions Management[1]” (creating an artificial image of themselves)?
  • Have you ever intended to talk to someone in order to deepen a certain theme or situation, while the person continues to escape, run away, avoid?
  • Have you ever felt the presence of a ‘core’ behind a person’s talk, of content – ideas, opinions, projects – which is only observed in transparency, but does not emerge, no matter how hard the person tries to explain himself?

If you have ever experienced even one of these situations, you had been practising ‘listening beyond words’, ‘heightened perception’ and approached or approached the topics of active listening and empathy.

Moreover, if there were interests at stake, you have experienced the importance of Conversational Leadership and the ability to direct the course of a conversation.

In your own life, you have also experienced, how rare active listening is, and that being listened to is quite rare, compared to normal life where everything is rushing, and there is no time for anything.

Rather than blaming others for what they do or do not do, for whoever wants to, the main goal of this book is offering tools to improve your listening, whether at work or in everyday life, and practice quality listening, active listening, and empathic listening.

The spirit of Virgil’s words, his invitation to always seek to understand, is the foundation that runs throughout this book: the underlying value that inspires us to practice active listening.

You can be tired of everything, but not of understanding. (Virgil)

Listening is perception, and perceiving for us is normal, physiological.

You did it hundreds and thousands of times, even just observing people in how they are dressed or how they walk – inevitably. You did it whether you wanted to or not. As perception has become very superficial, so has listening. This is what matters, ashaming because acute perception is a privileged path to truth.

Conversational leadership is the ability to restore the power of listening, to direct the conversation on the issues that interest us, or on the formats that we want to strategically activate (and listening is one of them).

Why is leadership important for listening skills? Because leadership is a voluntary act, and in this volume, listening is considered a voluntary act, decided by the listener, not a random act likely to happen without paying attention.

Human beings are endowed with natural listening skills, they use their hearing ability to understand sounds and words, because this is vital for their survival. If we did not know how to listen, neither to sounds nor to intentions (e.g., aggressive, hostile, or friendly), we would already be extinct.

It is believed that it takes courage to stand up and speak out, to have one is said. Well, very often it also takes courage to put our mind there, where we are now, to listen and look inside the soul and mind of a person.

There is also courage in listening.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
(Sir Winston Churchill)

1.1.             Listen to emotions. Emotions and communication

Emotions and communication are strongly related.

In addition to the verbal data (objects, subjects, verbs, adjectives, and other speech elements), we can always notice an emotional background in communication (the outer part of Plutchik’s wheel presented below). Sometimes this background becomes more intense, and we can almost ‘feel’ or ‘perceive’ better the emotional background than single words (area of intermediate emotions). When we enter the extreme emotions area, the intense ones are placed in the middle of the model, words become almost useless, because we are inundated by the emotion coming from the other, and this ends up overwhelming any content.

Plutchik’s Solid or Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions[2] is one of the best representations of how emotions work. We must keep in mind that we are communicators too, so this system also applies when we are the ones talking.

Picture 1 – The wheel of emotions (Plutchik)[3]

(graphic adopted from the original model, referring to bibliography, Plutchik 1980)

Inevitably, in a communicative exchange, we always have an underlying exchange of emotions.

Some people are particularly good and very quick at grasping their inner emotions, directing them, dominating them, making use of them as they wish. For example, speaking in public in front of thousands of people without feeling the slightest bit of anxiety.

On the other hand, other people fall victims of their emotions, may become victims of a love that is blind and deaf to all denials, and persevere in loving a person who does not love them, or who has never even shown any signs of love. They may be afraid even thinking about the idea of speaking in public and fear it like the worst of poisons.

Each communicative situation (COMSIT) owns specific meanings and emotional undertones. COMSITs are specific frames or communicative moments that can be distinguished from each other, such as a dialogue between friends, or an argument, or giving explanations, and a thousand other possibilities in relationships. In each COMSIT, different degrees of incommunicability and different types of emotions arise[4].

What can we do then? The way, the only real way, is “to train oneself to emotions”. This way, it sounds like ‘training to live’, something intangible. And it is precisely this training in the intangible that makes ‘training in emotions’ an exercise in great emotional intelligence. Such as a refined gym of Experiential Coaching, for those who design active training exercises on emotions.

This involves dealing with emotions in an ’emotional laboratory’ where they can be experienced and then ‘debriefed’ with the support of a trainer, coach, counsellor, or psychologist, depending on the type of intervention.

Working on corporate groups and not on clinical pathology situations, requires the Trainer and the Counsellor as main figures and reference. These “emotion workshops” must be engineered by using videos, images, letters, themed dialogues, and any kind of exercise involving emotions.

As Howell[5] said about our ‘unconscious emotional incompetence’, at first, we may find it all a bit silly or we may be ‘clumsy’, but then we will ‘climb’ this peak, step by step, until we reach a strong emotional competence.

This competence is necessary, the higher the career position is. Think of the need for emotional balance in a judge, or a surgeon, or a police officer, or in specific situations such as taking a penalty shot, or in difficult and extreme sports where emotions are everything, or almost everything.

Emotions are often mixed, a cross between different emotional states, as we see in this picture showing the primary, secondary, and tertiary links between emotion dyads in Plutchik’s model.

Picture 2 – Graph displaying the primary, secondary, and tertiary dyads on the Plutchik’s wheel of emotions[6]

Links between emotional state produce different emotions in different emotional state (Mixed Emotions) our everyday actual emotional truth.


[1] Schlenker, Barry R. (1980). Impression Management: The Self-Concept, Social Identity, and Interpersonal Relations. Monterey, California: Brooks/Cole.

[2] Plutchik , Robert (1980), Emotion: Theory, research, and experience: Vol. 1. Theories of emotion, 1, New York: Academic

Plutchik Robert (2002), Emotions and Life: Perspectives from Psychology, Biology, and Evolution, Washington, DC: American Psychological Association

Plutchik Robert; R. Conte., Hope (1997), Circumplex Models of Personality and Emotions, Washington, DC: American Psychological Association

[3] Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion#/media/File:Plutchik-wheel.svg By Machine Elf 1735 – Own work, Public Domain, ttps://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=13285286

[4] Trevisani, Daniele (1992). A Semiotic Models Approach to the Analysis of International/Intercultural Communication; published in “Proceedings of the International and Intercultural Communication Conference”, University of Miami, FL., USA, 19 – 21 May 1992.

[5] Howell, William S. (1982). The empathic communicator. University of Minnesota: Wadsworth Publishing Company

[6] Source: Wikimedia Commons https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Plutchik_Dyads.svg

Picture of the book: Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace

Article translated by dott. ssa Eleonora Brusamento Spinelli, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

Source:

-Dott. Trevisani D., Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.

Other online material available in these sites:

Other available online resources

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Active listening and empathy are not to be confused with acceptance of other people’s content

Article translated by dott. Federica Franca, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Intercultural Negotiation. Communication Beyond Cultural Barriers” (original title: “Negoziazione interculturale. Comunicare oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

Active listening rules are not rules of content acceptance, rather methods that encourage the person we are talking with to let their thoughts flow as freely as possible.

Judging what is being said – an inevitable fact during the negotiation – must not interfere with the listening phase and should be “relegated” to further phases of the negotiation. Only after having listened carefully – and within an appropriate negotiation frame –, corrections or clarifications can be made.

The aim of empathic techniques is to facilitate the other person’s flow of thoughts and to collect as much information as possible. When properly used, empathy produces an “empathic flow”, i.e. a flow of data or factual, sentimental and experiential information that is very useful to the negotiator.

The opposite behaviour (judging, correcting, affirming, blocking) breaks the empathic flow and could prematurely stop the collection of valuable information. Even though sometimes the negotiator has to stop that flow (“turning point”), it is usually better to let the person talk, in order to understand whom the negotiator is dealing with and what the real goals and all other necessary pieces of information are.

Besides, empathic techniques are helpful in curbing the premature tendency towards informational self-disclosure (giving information, leaking data inappropriately or prematurely).

Providing people with information and data – that could be counterproductive and cause a boomerang effect on the negotiator – must be done with extreme caution.

The empathic attitude is extremely useful to focus the negotiator’s mental energies on listening to the other person and curbing inappropriate disclosures.

Other online material available in these sites:

Other available online resources

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Fonte:

-Dott. Trevisani D., Negoziazione interculturale. Comunicare oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali , Franco Angeli, Milano.

Positive and destructive elements of empathy

Negoziazione interculturale. Comunicare oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali

©Article translated by dott. ssa Eleonora Brusamento Spinelli, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Intercultural Negotiation. Communication Beyond Cultural Barriers” (original title: “Negoziazione interculturale. Comunicare oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

Empathy is either destroyed or fostered by specific communicative behaviours and attitudes.

Fostering empathyDestroying empathy
CuriosityDisinterest
Real listening participation, without fictionPretending a listening role only for professional duty
Re-formulation of contentsJudgement on contents, comments
Plural approaches to question (open, close, clarifying, focusing, and generalizing questions)Monotonous questions
Focus on emotional experienceExclusive focus on facts
Non-verbal signals of attentionBody language expressing disinterest or boredom
Paralinguistic signals of attention, encouragement to express oneself, “phatic” signals (signals expressing participation and attention)Poor evidence of interest and concern to the flow of thought. Lack or scarcity of ‘phatic’ signals and mental contact

Listening communication, and quality of listening, require a clear separation between comprehension activities (input communication) and direct expression activities (output communication).

During the listening phases necessarily:

  • do not interrupt while other persons are talking;
  • do not judge them prematurely;
  • do not express judgements that could block their expressive flow;
  • do not get distracted, do not think about anything else, do nothing else but listening (except for taking notes if necessary), use your thoughts to listen, do not wander;
  • do not correct the other person while he/she is stating something, even when you disagree, keep listening;
  • do not try to overpower her/him;
  • do not try to dominate her/him;
  • do not try to teach or impart truths; restrain the temptation to interfere with the expression flow and correct something assumed as incorrect;
  • do not speak about ourselves;
  • show interest and participation through verbal signals and body language;

Particularly interesting attitudes may be:

  • genuine interest and curiosity towards the other: the desire to know and explore another one’s mind; activating human and professional curiosity;
  • inner silence: creating a state of emotional stillness (free from negative emotions and prejudices), in order to listen and respect the other person’s rhythms.

©Article translated by dott. ssa Eleonora Brusamento Spinelli, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Intercultural Negotiation. Communication Beyond Cultural Barriers” (original title: “Negoziazione interculturale. Comunicare oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

Source:

-Dott. Trevisani D., Negoziazione InterculturaleComunicazione oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.

Other online material available in these sites:

Other available online resources

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Intercultural Negotiation

© Article translated by dott. Martina Giannotti, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Intercultural Negotiation. Communication Beyond Cultural Barriers” (original title: “Negoziazione interculturale. Comunicare oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

1.1 Paralinguistic active listening techniques

Use of vocalizations such as Uhmm.. ahh…. and guttural or breathy emissions… that express interest in the “story” and facilitate expression.

The purpose of paralinguistic techniques (together with visual non-verbal techniques) is to provide phatic (contact) signals, so that the interlocutor feels that we are listening, we are present, and we are interested.

1.2. Non-verbal techniques of active listening

They use body posture to express interest:

 open posture, leaning forward to indicate availability;

 approaching and moving away (proxemics): reduce the distance to the interlocutor in moments of interest, moving away in moments of relaxation;

 facial expression: not doubtful, ironic or aggressive, but attentive and participatory;

 attentive and direct gaze;

 eyebrow movements associated with salient points of another person’s speech;

 head nods, nods of assent or denial;

 soft, slow, rolling gestures to communicate a sense of relaxation and encourage going forward in the conversation;

 nonverbal metaphors using body language, which demonstrate understanding of what the counterpart said.

At a nonverbal level, we must always consider that many cultures restrain the nonverbal expression of emotions (e.g. Asian cultures), but this is also a communicative stereotype of only probabilistic value and does not deliver certainty.

In summary, the main techniques for an effective greeting are:

  • curiosity and interest;
  • paraphrasing: repeating in one’s own words what has been understood (this is not the same as agreeing with what has been said by the other person);
  • synthesis and summaries: rephrase the “story” in its salient points to consolidate what has been gathered;
  • direct the listening through targeted questions (conversational refocusing) to clarify points that are still obscure or unclear.
  • avoid overly personal questions until a rapport has been established;
  • give the speaker the opportunity to give feedback on whether what was understood was correct, accurate or distorted.
  • read words as well as non-verbal cues to assess feelings and moods;
  • check for correct understanding of both feelings and content, do not ignore feelings;
  • not telling people how they should feel or what they should think.

Source:

-Dott. Trevisani D., Negoziazione Interculturale – Comunicazione oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.

Other online material available in these sites:

Other available online resources:

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Riepilogo terza lezione del Professore Dott. Daniele Trevisani (11 marzo 2021)

Dr. Daniele Trevisani – Formazione Aziendale Ricerca Coaching home

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM-94

Corso di Negoziazione, vedi https://www.ciels.it/avada_portfolio/trevisani-daniele/?portfolioCats=74

Parole chiave

  • Negoziazione a freddo
  • Negoziazione a caldo
  • Target audience analysis (TAA)
  • Setting negoziale
  • Profilazione socio-demografica
  • Profilazione psico-grafica
  • Relationship building
  • Distanza relazionale
  • Eye contact
  • Patrimonio negoziale o capitale psicologico
  • Cultura ad alto contesto
  • Cultura a basso contesto
  • Tecniche di rilassamento
  • Osmosi emotiva
  • Segnale fatico
  • Condivisione produttiva
  • Eccellenza operativa
  • Pepita informativa
  • Topic shifting
  • Regole d’ingaggio
  • Ice breaking
  • Patto d’aula
  • Facial coding system (FACS)

Concetti fondamentali trattati

  1. Negoziazione a caldo: c’è stata una preparazione alla negoziazione, che il negoziatore attua attraverso un’opera di target audience analysis, con una profilazione socio-demografica (in cui si analizzano le aspettative di ruolo) e psico-grafica (in cui vengono studiate le vatiabili della personalità) della controparte;
  2. Negoziazione a freddo: a monte non vi è stata alcune preparazione pregressa;
  3. Patrimonio negoziale (o capitale psicologico): patrimonio e informazioni acquisite nel corso della negoziazione trasmesse da persona a persona;
  4. Cultura ad alto contesto e cultura a basso contesto: nella prima, l’appartenenza ad un determinato rango è un valore fondamentale; nella seconda, le barriere tra persone sono limitate e i rapporti interpersonali sono più sciolti;
  5. Segnali fatici: segnali di contatto (come annuire con il capo) che manifestano la presenza mentale delle parti;
  6. Pepite informative: brani di informazione utili al negoziato;
  7. Topic shifting: nel corso della negoziazione, si configura come l’abilità di cambiare argomento senza offendere la controparte, mediante, per esempio, la riformulazione di una frase con l’aggiunta di altre informazioni o domande che sviano e modificano la tematica di cui si stava discutendo.

Sintesi del mio apprendimento:

  1. Ho capito che un altro aspetto fondamentale per la riuscita di una negoziazione è la preparazione e l’analisi della controparte (la sua cultura di appartenenza, il suo lignaggio, la sua personalità);
  2. Un stato emotivo rilassato durante una negoziazione è molto utile per trasmettere e infondere tranquillità alla controparte, grazie all’effetto dell’osmosi emotiva. Tanto più teso il negoziatore, tanto più tesa la negoziazione;
  3. Il mantenimento del contatto visivo tra le due parti è fondamentale; se interrotto spesso, questo può andare a ledere il processo di relationship building che si instaura durante la negoziazione.

Fonti:

Riepilogo didattico III Lezione

dott. Daniele Trevisani, NEGOZIAZIONE INTERCULTURALE – Comunicazione oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.

dott. Daniele Trevisani, Parliamoci chiaro, Gribaudo, 2019.

dott. Recalenda Marco, appunti da corso di Negoziazione di prof. Daniele Trevisani www.danieletrevisani.it www.comunicazioneaziendale.it, Padova, 11/03/2021.

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM

Corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels

Parole chiave della lezione

  • Negoziazioni a freddo
  • Negoziazioni a caldo
  • TAA – Target Audience Analysis
  • Profilazione socio-demografica
  • Profilazione psicografica
  • Relationship Building
  • Rapport
  • Eye contact
  • Patrimonio negoziale
  • Setting negoziale
  • Scheda di prodotto
  • CMS – Content Management System
  • Capitale psicologico
  • Pepite informative
  • Eccellenza operativa
  • FACS – Facial Action Calling System
  • Face detect
  • Topic shifting
  • Collaboratività
  • Need for Structure alto
  • Need for Structure basso
  • Cultura ad alto contesto
  • Cultura a basso contesto
  • Culture fluide
  • Indisposizione
  • PsyCap
  • Tecniche di rilassamento
  • Segnale fatico
  • Condivisione produttiva
  • Train off
  • Osmosi emotiva
  • Public speaking
  • Ice breaker
  • Performance comunicativa
  • Regole d’ingaggio
  • Occhio clinico
  • Distanza relazionale
  • Distanza fisica

Concetti fondamentali trattati

  • E’ stata trattata la differenza tra negoziazioni a caldo, ovvero preparate, grazie anche al ricorso al TAA – Target Audience Analysis, e negoziazioni a freddo, ovvero inaspettate, improvvise, senza nessuna preparazione precedente possibile. In seguito è stato svolto un esercizio di role playing per quest’ultima tipologia.
  • Si parla di segnale fatico quando tramite la comunicazione non verbale viene permesso al negoziatore di comprendere se l’interlocutore sta seguendo il discorso, è interessato, approva o disapprova quanto viene detto.
  • Nel caso di cultura ad alto contesto vi è un’elevata need for structure, in quanto le persone necessitano di negoziare all’interno di strutture ben organizzate, strutturate e specifiche. Al contrario, vi è una scarsa need for structure nel caso di culture a basso contesto, poiché il contenuto del discorso cambia spesso, come può avvenire in contesti non formali.
  • Topic shifting: tema d’analisi della conversazione che consente al negoziatore di spostare l’attenzione da un argomento a un altro, utilizzando tecniche di comunicazione quali la riformulazione, la formulazione di domande o l’aggiunta di informazioni.
  • Ice breaking: letteralmente rompighiaccio, utile nella negoziazione o nel public speaking. Per quanto concerne quest’ultimo, è stata svolta un’esercitazione pratica nel corso della lezione.

Sintesi del mio apprendimento:

Ho capito che per una negoziazione efficace è necessario mostrarsi rilassati, pertanto è fondamentale imparare e utilizzare tecniche di rilassamento.

Ho imparato a osservare più attentamente l’ambiente che mi circonda, in quanto qualsiasi dettaglio può fornire informazioni preziose sull’interlocutore: l’osservazione con occhio clinico è dunque fondamentale ai fini della negoziazione.

Ho riflettuto su quanto è possibile capire dell’altro osservando semplicemente dettagli quali espressioni, movimenti del corpo, posture. Comprendere e saper riconoscere la comunicazione non verbale è cruciale, quanto lo è saperla controllare e gestire. 

Fonti:

dott. Daniele Trevisani, NEGOZIAZIONE INTERCULTURALE – Comunicazione oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.

dott. Daniele Trevisani, Parliamoci chiaro, Gribaudo, 2019.

dott. Recalenda Marco, appunti da corso di Negoziazione di prof. Daniele Trevisani www.danieletrevisani.it www.comunicazioneaziendale.it, Padova, 04/03/2021

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM Corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels

Ulteriori materiali online in questi siti:
Sito Studio Trevisani Formazione Coaching Consulenza (Italian & English)
Sito Daniele Trevisani (Italian)
Website Dr. Daniele Trevisani (English)
Comunicazione Aziendale
Comunicazione Interculturale
Medialab Research
Intercultural Negotiation (English)
Operational Negotiation (English)
Linkedin Profile Dr. Daniele Trevisani
Ulteriori ricerche online disponibili
Pubblicazioni e libri dott. Daniele Trevisani (Books published)
Rivista online gratuita di Comunicazione, Potenziale Umano e Management
Iscrizione gratuita al Blog Studiotrevisani.it tramite Email
Canale YouTube
Sito istituzionale CIELS: https://www.ciels.it/