Negoziazione interculturale: riepilogo didattico (Lezione 5)

Riepilogo didattico Lezione 5 Prof. Daniele Trevisani

www.studiotrevisani.it
Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Traduzione per la Gestione delle Crisi, delle Emergenze e delle Catastrofi.
Corso di Tecniche di negoziazione degli ostaggi, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels

Parole chiave della lezione:

  • Evocazioni semantiche
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Self-leadership emozionale
  • Meta-comunicare
  • Ghost customer
  • Goal setting
  • Mentoring
  • World Economic Forum
  • Problem solving complesso
  • Pensiero critico
  • Creatività
  • People management
  • Capacità di coordinamento
  • Capacità di giudizio e decisione
  • Orientamento al servizio
  • Capacità di negoziazione
  • Flessibilità cognitiva
  • Ruota delle emozioni di Plutchik
  • Solido di Plutchik
  • Domande aperte
  • Domande chiuse

I concetti fondamentali trattati durante la lezione sono i seguenti:

  • Le evocazioni semantiche sono tutti quei richiami al mondo percettivo che si innescano tramite parole, gesti o simboli.
  • L’intelligenza emotiva è la capacità di cogliere lo stato d’animo che stiamo vivendo. Una persona senza intelligenza emotiva è spesso inconscia dello stato d’animo che prova in determinati momenti della sua vita. Tra le caratteristiche dell’intelligenza emotiva si trovano:
  • la capacità di motivare sé stessi, anche in situazioni avverse.
  • la resilienza psicologica, continuare a pensare un obiettivo nonostante le frustrazioni.
  • saper identificare e controllare umore e propri stati d’animo, evitando la sopraffazione di emozioni negative.
  • la capacità di essere empatici, capire gli stati d’animo altrui.
  • auto empatia: capire i propri stati emotivi fino in fondo.
  • speranza: la capacità di mantenere fiducia e di sperare.
  • La Self-leadership emozionale consiste nella capacità di vivere le emozioni come una risorsa, siano esse positive o negative, e non solo come un sottoprodotto della vita.
  • Meta-comunicare” significa parlare del linguaggio, esplicitare i termini che stiamo usando, spiegare il codice comunicativo, “parlare delle parole”, per spiegare i termini e la nostra immagine mentale collegata.
  • Il ghost customer è un cliente fantasma che simula o effettua un vero e proprio acquisto per testare la capacità altrui.
  • Il “solido di Plutchik” o “Ruota delle Emozioni di Plutchik” rappresenta una delle migliori visualizzazioni su come funzionano le emozioni.
  • Il World Economic Forum ha svolto un’indagine per individuare le skills più ricercate nel mondo del lavoro:
  • Problem solving complesso
  • Pensiero critico
  • Creatività
  • People management
  • Capacità di coordinamento
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Capacità di giudizio e decisione
  • Orientamento al servizio
  • Capacità di negoziazione
  • Flessibilità cognitiva
  • Nella formazione vendite di tipo consulenziale dobbiamo insegnare ai consulenti e venditori l’arte di porre domande attive. Di conseguenza, diventa fondamentale formare i venditori alla comunicazione non solo sul fronte del “parlare” ma anche e soprattutto sul fronte dell’ascoltare in modo attivo ed empatico. La fase di analisi e ascolto richiede il ricorso a:
  • domande aperte: sono domande che “aprono” la comunicazione, es. Cosa ne pensa di XY? Quali soluzioni sarebbero ottimali per lei per risolvere il problema XYZ? La risposta alle domande aperte è generalmente molto vasta e ricca.
  • domande chiuse: sono domande a cui si può rispondere solo con un Si o un No, o con una informazione molto dettagliata. Esempio “Lei ha un budget per la formazione dei venditori”? “Avete una macchina per la fresatura di marca XYZ”? “Le piace l’idea di XYZ”? Le domande chiuse sono da utilizzare con estrema cautela quando la risposta rischia di bloccare la vendita stessa, con un NO che apra la strada ad altri NO.

Sintesi del mio apprendimento:

  • Ho imparato che, durante una negoziazione e anche durante la nostra vita, è utile costruire un buon goal setting, ovvero, essere capaci di fissare più obiettivi. In tale contesto, ho compreso che è altrettanto importare confrontarsi con qualcuno al fine di raggiungere i propri obiettivi (mentoring) ed imparare ad utilizzare la flessibilità cognitiva: saper affrontare i problemi da più punti di vista.

Fonti:

Riepilogo didattico Lezione 5 Prof Daniele Trevisani

www.studiotrevisani.it

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM-94

Corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels

Parole chiave della lezione

  • Emozioni
  • Modello dei quattro livelli di empatia
  • Empatia comportamentale
  • Empatia emozionale
  • Empatia cognitiva
  • World Economic Forum
  • Problem solving
  • Pensiero critico
  • Creatività
  • People management
  • Capacità di coordinamento
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Capacità di giudizio e decisione
  • Orientamento al servizio
  • Capacità di negoziazione
  • Flessibilità cognitiva
  • Evocazioni semantiche
  • Topic shifting
  • Ruota delle emozioni di Plutchik
  • Leadership emozionale
  • Metacomunicazione
  • Goal setting
  • Life plan
  • Domande aperte
  • Domande chiuse

Concetti fondamentali trattati

  1. Il concetto di leadership emozionale, nell’ambito della gestione delle emozioni durante la comunicazione, è la capacità di dirigere le emozioni e portarle dove si vuole.
  2. Riconoscere le evocazioni semantiche ovvero i richiami a mondi percettivi che provengono da gesti o parole durante la comunicazione.
  3. Individuazione delle competenze più richieste nell’ambito lavorativo secondo il World Economic Forum: “problem solving“; pensiero critico che permetta di rivisitare un problema; creatività; “people management“, ovvero gestire il flusso di lavoro; capacità di coordinamento; intelligenza emotiva, cogliere quale sia il nostro stato emotivo in una data situazione; capacità di giudizio e decisione; orientamento al servizio, cioè la creazione del valore; capacità di negoziazione; flessibilità cognitiva capacità di possedere diversi punti di vista.
  4. Il modello dei quattro livelli di empatia (4LE): l’empatia cognitiva, in base a come abbiamo affrontato la comunicazione; emozionale, cosa si è provato durante lo svolgimento della comunicazione; comportamentale, comprendere gesti e atteggiamenti altri; relazionale, in base alle persone e al contesto con cui relazioniamo.
  5. La ruota delle emozioni, sviluppata dallo psicologo Robert Plutchik, è un modello che rappresenta l’evoluzione delle emozioni; il modello si propone come tentativo di etichettare le emozioni: più sono intense più si avvicineranno al centro della ruota e viceversa.
  6. La rappresentazione delle connessioni primarie, secondarie e terziarie tra emozioni mostra come ognuna derivi dalla somma di altre due emozioni correlate.
  7. Il concetto di metacomunicazione, spiegare cioè il proprio codice comunicativo nel momento in cui la persona che abbiamo di fronte non ne sia a conoscenza perché di cultura differente o abituata a comunicare diversamente.
  8. La distinzione tra domande chiuse e domande aperte: le prime prevedono una risposta finita e schematica, le seconde invece permettono risposte più ampie e personalizzate.
  9. L’importanza della redazione di un “life plan“, dove fissare gli obiettivi (goal setting) che si desidera raggiungere in un dato periodo di tempo (in questo caso cinque anni).

Sintesi del mio apprendimento:

Ho capito che è molto importante revisionare il proprio lavoro soprattutto da segretario organizzativo in quanto se il lavoro non è fatto bene dal traduttore o dallo scrittore, la responsalità è di chi non ha ben revisionato il lavoro.

Ho imparato a concludere le mie presentazioni con una domanda rivolta al pubblico per poter meglio catturarne l’attenzione.

Ho riflettuto sull’importanza del goal setting e sul metodo utilizzato per individuare i nostri principali obiettivi.

Fonti:

-Dott. Trevisani D., Negoziazione InterculturaleComunicazione oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.

-Dott. Trevisani D., Parliamoci Chiaro: il modello delle quattro distanze per una comunicazione efficace e costruttiva, Gribaudo, 2019

-Dott. Trevisani D., Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2019

-Dott. ssa Brusamento Spinelli E., Appunti di Negoziazione degli ostaggi, lezione 5 di Prof. Trevisani D. 25/03/2021

Per ulteriori informazioni consultare:

Altre risolse disponibili online:

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Empathy & Sympathy

Article translated by dott.ssa Pilli Laura, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

1.6 Empathy and listening are good for those who practice them, and for those who receive them: Some evidence from the research

Give your absence to who does not value your presence.
(Oscar Wilde)

Empathy is a value and it generates value. Therefore, it is good to see what some of the indications from the world of research have to say about this. Empathy, practising it well, requires a well-functioning mind[1]. This means for us, that the empathic communicator has to take care of himself, his health, the state of his mind, e.g. he/she must be rested, don’t abuse substances, eat and exercise – in short, we are dealing with athletes of communication and athletes of the mind.

Of course, it can be argued that some psychotherapists manage to be extremely good at active listening and empathic even at the age of 80, or with a sick body, but let us not forget how much experience is supporting them, and therefore, let us do our personal homework diligently to find our best shape and have a body-mind that supports and helps us.

Taking care of oneself helps empathy. Having personal, physical, bodily, mental, motivational energy helps empathy. If you don’t have energy, you will never really listen to anyone in depth.

Other evidence: when the subject of active and empathic listening is a distress[2], having a methodological school behind you, for example humanistic psychology, Bioenergetic Counseling, or others, is a helpful factor, because you are no longer alone in listening, you are only alone physically, but the presence of the ‘school’ helps you to proceed well. However much good will you have, having a school behind you gives structure, helps, supports morally.

The ‘school’ can also be an association, club or group of people where people meet and discuss about methods and work, cases or models, and this discussion is of enormous professional enrichment. Whether it is a circle of leaders, a circle of Counselors, a training school, moments of “unwinding and realignment” like those of supervision are fundamental, even in the non-clinical context. Indeed, think how much better it can be in a company to have interviews with employees by a leader, knowing they have a Mentor and then being able to discuss them with a supervisor, rather than leaving them in the dark.

Finally, an important reflection. Empathy is a concept that is interpreted in literature in many, sometimes incompatible ways[3].

The substantial distinction is between two extremes, an emotional type of empathy, which is primarily experience-centred, i.e. based on feeling and reflecting the feelings of the speaker, and a cognitive type of empathy, based on reflecting and understanding the reasoning of the speaker.

Our vision is that empathy is a concrete form of mental presence in communication, a conversation in which the End State (point of arrival) to understand a person in their full physical, bodily, intellectual and emotional nuances.

In our method, therefore, empathy must be both emotional and cognitive. It means being able to understand a situation or a piece of life from the point of view of the person who is experiencing it, and this requires shedding light on both emotional components (understanding emotions and their nuances) and reasoning (understanding values, beliefs, actions, structured thoughts). Only the union of the two components can lead to true empathy, at least as far as empathic listening is concerned.

The empathic ‘way of being’, which means constantly living with attention and sensitivity to the emotions of others, is a different matter, but this is outside the scope of the technique of active and empathic listening and is certainly not to be condemned, but neither is it to be forced.

I think it is right to leave it up to the free will of each person how to lead their lives. Certainly, however, when we enter into an active or empathic listening session, being able to tap into this sensitivity is needed.

1.7. Difference between empathy and sympathy

Empathy and sympathy must be distinguished. Empathy means to understand. For example in the company, to understand why a customer postpones a purchase or wants a low-priced product, why a customer arrives late for an appointment, whether it is because of strategy or real impediment, or why a customer tells us about a certain specific problem, what is behind it. Sympathy, on the other hand, means appreciating, sharing, agreeing. Selling requires the application of empathy and not necessarily sympathy. The same applies to a coaching, a counselling or a leadership interview.

Active listening and empathy should not be confused with acceptance of others’ contents or values. A decalogue of active listening is not to be confused with blind acceptance of other people’s content. These are merely methods of allowing other people’s thoughts to flow as freely as possible in order to gain openness and useful information.

The phase of inner judgement on what we hear, which is inevitable during negotiation, must be ‘relegated’ to our internal processing, held for later stages of negotiation, and must not interfere with the listening phase.

When our aim is to listen, we must listen.

To do this we will have to:

  • suspend our judgment;
  • give signals of assent and presence (contact signals, phatic signals);
  • try to stay connected to the flow of the discourse;
  • ask questions whenever an aspect seems worthy of investigation;
  • avoid ‘anticipating’ (e.g.: I am sure that you…) and avoid making statements that are ‘stances’;
  • simply rephrase the key points of what the other person said;
  • do not interrupt inappropriately.

We should reserve our judgement or make clarifications only after having listened in depth and inside an appropriate negotiation frame. The aim of empathic techniques is to encourage the flow of other people’s thoughts, and to collect as many ‘information nuggets‘ as possible that the interlocutor can give. Empathy, if well applied, produces “empathic flow“, a flow of data, factual, sentimental, experiential information, of enormous usefulness to the negotiator.

The opposite behaviour (judging, correcting, affirming, blocking) breaks the empathic flow, and risks stopping the collection of valuable information prematurely.

Few people think, but they all want to judge.
(King Frederick the Great)

There is a moment when the negotiator has to stop the flow of the other person’s discourse (turning point) but in general it is good to let it flow, until one has really understood who one is dealing with and what the real objectives are, and all other necessary information. Empathic techniques are also helpful in curbing the premature tendency towards informational self-disclosure: the giving of information, the inappropriate or premature leaking of data about ourselves. Giving the customer information and data that could be counterproductive has a boomerang effect. Any information must be given with extreme caution.

The empathic attitude is extremely useful in focusing the negotiator’s mental energies on listening to the other person and curbing our own inappropriate interference.

Let us also remember another point. Listening is a gift. Giving the gift of listening, today, in a materialistic world, is among the most precious gifts one can give, provided that the person who has to be listened interests us and we want to give this gift. Human time is precious and limited, and listening well, takes time. For this reason, dedicating a moment of life to someone full of quality listening, and doing it with passion, must be done for work, or for love.

“Loving means above all listening”


[1] Neumann D1, Zupan B. Empathic Responses to Affective Film Clips Following Brain Injury and the Association with Emotion Recognition Accuracy. In:  Arch Phys Med Rehabil. 2018 Aug 21. pii: S0003-9993(18)30938-9. doi: 10.1016/j.apmr.2018.07.431.

[2] Guan K, Kim RE, Rodas NV, Brown TE, Gamarra JM, Krull JL, Chorpita BF,. Emergent Life Events: An In-Depth Investigation of Characteristics and Provider Responses during Youth Evidence-Based Treatment. In: J Clin Child Adolesc Psychol. 2018 Aug 24:1-16. doi: 10.1080/15374416.2018.1496441.

[3] Dohrenwend AM. Defining Empathy to Better Teach, Measure, and Understand its Impact. In: Acad Med. 2018 Aug 21. doi: 10.1097/ACM.0000000000002427.

Source:

Article translated by dott.ssa Pilli Laura, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

Other online material available in these sites:

Other available online resources

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Riepilogo Didattico V Lezione

dott. Daniele TrevisaniNEGOZIAZIONE INTERCULTURALE – Comunicazione oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.

dott. Daniele TrevisaniParliamoci chiaro, Gribaudo, 2019.

dott. Daniele Trevisani, Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace, Franco Angeli Edizioni, Milano.

dott. Recalenda Marco, appunti da corso di Negoziazione di prof. Daniele Trevisani www.danieletrevisani.it www.comunicazioneaziendale.it, Padova, 25/03/2021.

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM

Corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels

Parole chiave della lezione:

  • Problem solving
  • 4 modelli di empatia
  • Modello 4LE
  • Creatività
  • People management
  • Pensiero critico
  • Capacità di coordinamento
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Capacità di negoziazione
  • Ruota di Plutchik
  • Topic shifting
  • Empatia comportamentale
  • Empatia relazionale
  • Empatia cognitiva
  • Empatia emozionale
  • Leadership emozionale
  • Evocazioni semantiche
  • Reframing cognitivo
  • Ghost costumer
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Flessibilità cognitiva
  • Orientamento al servizio
  • Goal setting
  • Emozioni miste
  • Impression management
  • Metacomunicazione
  • Capacità di giudizio e decisione

Concetti fondamentali trattati:

  1. I modelli di empatia sono 4: il modello di empatia comportamentale, che consiste nel comprendere i comportamenti altrui; il modello di empatia relazionale, ovvero con chi ci si relaziona; il modello di empatia emozionale, cioè la comprensione dei sentimenti e delle emozioni; il modello di empatia cognitiva, che consiste nel come si affronta la situazione.
  2. L’intelligenza emotiva è la capacità di un individuo di saper riconoscere quale stato emotivo sta vivendo.
  3. Con Metacomunicazione, si intende il rendere i termini che vengono utilizzati in una negoziazione in maniera esplicita, specificando il codice comunicativo che si intende utilizzare.
  4. Le evocazioni semantiche sono dei richiami a mondi percettivi che si innescano ricorrendo a determinate parole e/o gesti.

Sintesi del mio apprendimento:

Ho capito che è necessario possedere una buona intelligenza emotiva per saper riconoscere gli stati emotivi che possono influenzare una negoziazione.

Ho imparato a distinguere i 4 modelli di empatia al fine di affrontare una negoziazione al meglio.

Ho riflettuto sul fatto che è necessario uno sviluppo delle proprie abilità e capacità cognitive per poter ottenere risultati positivi nella negoziazione.

Fonti:

dott. Daniele TrevisaniNEGOZIAZIONE INTERCULTURALE – Comunicazione oltre le barriere culturali. Dalle relazioni interne sino alle trattative internazionali, Franco Angeli Edizioni, 2016.
dott. Daniele TrevisaniParliamoci chiaro, Gribaudo, 2019.
dott. Daniele Trevisani, Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace, Franco Angeli Edizioni, Milano.
dott. Recalenda Marco, appunti da corso di Negoziazione di prof. Daniele Trevisani www.danieletrevisani.it www.comunicazioneaziendale.it, Padova, 25/03/2021.
Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM, corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels Corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels.

Other online material available in these sites:
Sito Studio Trevisani Formazione Coaching Consulenza (Italian & English)
Sito Daniele Trevisani (Italian)
Website Dr. Daniele Trevisani (English)
Comunicazione Aziendale
Comunicazione Interculturale
Medialab Research
Intercultural Negotiation (English)
Operational Negotiation (English)
Linkedin Profile Dr. Daniele Trevisani

Other available online resources
Pubblicazioni e libri dott. Daniele Trevisani (Books published)
Rivista online gratuita di Comunicazione, Potenziale Umano e Management
Iscrizione gratuita al Blog Studiotrevisani.it tramite Email
Canale YouTube
CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Riepilogo Didattico: Lezione 5

Prof Daniele Trevisani www.studiotrevisani.it

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM94

Corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels

Parole chiave della lezione:

  • 4 modelli empatia
  • Problem solving
  • Pensiero critico
  • People management
  • Capacità di coordinamento
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Capacità di negoziazione
  • Evocazioni semantiche
  • Topic shifting
  • Ruota di Plutchik
  • Leadership emozionale
  • Emozioni miste
  • Impression management
  • Goal setting
  • Metacomunicazione
  • Capacità di giudizio e decisione

Concetti fondamentali trattati:

  • 4 modelli di empatia: comportamentale (capire i comportamenti altrui) relazionale (con chi ti sei relazionata) emozionale (i sentimenti passati) cognitiva (come affronti le cose)
  • Intelligenza emotiva: capacità di cogliere quale stato emotivo stiamo vivendo. Chi non riesce a coglierlo è spesso inconscio del proprio stato emotivo.
  • Evocazioni semantiche: richiami a mondi percettivi che si innescano tramite parole o gesti.
  • Metacomunicazione: significa esplicitare i termini utilizzati in una negoziazione.
  • Ruota di Plutchik: ci aiuta a conoscere ed etichettare le varie emozioni.

Sintesi del mio apprendimento:

Ho capito che i 4 modelli di empatia sono fondamentali per compiere una negoziazione di successo.

Ho imparato che la ruota di Plutchik ci aiuta a comprendere e a riconoscere meglio i vari stati emotivi.

Ho riflettuto sui miei obbiettivi e come raggiungerli.

Fonti:

Riepilogo quinta lezione del Professore Dott. Daniele Trevisani (25 marzo 2021)

Dr. Daniele Trevisani – Formazione Aziendale Ricerca Coaching home

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM-94

Corso di Negoziazione, vedi https://www.ciels.it/avada_portfolio/trevisani-daniele/?portfolioCats=74

Parole chiave

  • Empatia comportamentale
  • Empatia relazionale
  • Empatia cognitiva
  • Empatia emozionale
  • Evocazione semantica
  • Leadership emozionale
  • Metacomunicazione
  • Reframing cognitivo
  • Ghost costumer
  • Intelligenza emotiva
  • Goal setting

Concetti fondamentali trattati

  1. Evocazioni semantiche: richiami a mondi percettivi che si innescano tramite l’utilizzo di determinate parole e gesti;
  2. Metacomunicazione: parlare del linguaggio, spiegando ed illustrando il codice comunicativo che si sta utilizzando in quel momento;
  3. Intelligenza emotiva: capacità di comprendere quale stato emotivo stiamo vivendo, conoscendo e sapendo etichettare le proprie emozioni.

Sintesi del mio apprendimento

  1. Ho imparato l’importanza della leadership emozionale, ovvero il saper gestire e dirigere le proprie emozioni;
  2. Ho capito che il reframing cognitivo, ovvero spiegare ed esplicitare alla controparte i termini e il codice comunicativo che stiamo utilizzando, è fondamentale per la buona riuscita di una qualsiasi negoziazione;
  3. Ho compreso quanto sia essenziale stabilire gli obiettivi che si intendono raggiungere (goal setting).

Fonti

Other online material available in these sites:

Other available online resources

CIELS Institutional Website: https://www.ciels.it/

Communication and Listening as Encounters among Worlds

Article translated by dott. Tommaso Pasqualini, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

ACTIVE LISTENING MECHANISMS TO MAKE SURE THAT UNDERSTANDING IS CORRECT

When listening, always assume that you will not understand everything perfectly. In this way, you will already know that the techniques of enhanced understanding that we are going to explain will be useful to you. Whatever we listen to, where there is a need for clarification, we can also ask for confirmation of what we have perceived, in order to be able to adjust it. In fact, we only have the possibility of making hypotheses about what we perceive, hypotheses that it is good to verify at least on the key elements, resorting to specific mechanisms:

  • Reformulation: I reformulate what I understood and let the interlocutor correct me on what diverges.
  • Synthesis and recapitulation: I summarise what I understood and ask if it is correct.
  • Reverberation or Echo: a broader reformulation taking in whole categories, among them:
  1. Reverberation of data: make the sum of all the data heard,
  2. Emotional reverberation: adding up all the emotions felt, and what they are associated with,
  3. Belief Map Reverberation or Belief System: add up all the perceived beliefs, which gives back the person’s “way of seeing things”.

Eg: Here in this project we have the following actors: you, your father, the trainer, the course, the CEO, the CFO, the managers. You feel for each one that XYZ. To me, your thought seems to be XYX. Did I understand correctly?

Among the data that we “hear”, there are also non-verbal expressions of self, clothing, a tattoo, haircut, type of shoes, and many other elements. Faced with these elements, the ‘categorisation’, the ‘stereotype’ and the summary and premature judgement may be triggered. I see a person with a floral shirt, shoes without laces, tattoos, I label him as an “alternative leftist” only to discover that he is a Management Consultant instead of the owner of a cannabis shop.

“Happiness is an open mind.

Be careful of your stereotypes and prejudices, they may trap you and make you miss out on what life has to offer.”

Med Yones

In listening, we need to give ourselves time to gather information, compare it with each other, and understand the bigger picture which is only buildable after listening to different aspects of the person, verbal, non-verbal, and unspoken, not just the “packaging of the person”. Listening to beliefs, listening to data, physical observation, observation of emotional states, when they converge, can give us a much broader picture of listening and perception. This is much more technical listening than empathic listening. Empathy consists of placing oneself in the other person’s state of mind to understand him or her. This multilevel listening, on the other hand, is a true mapping and dissection of the communication flow, where the validity and implications of each of the emerging elements are verified. The result can also be collected in a real database.

2.7. The value of silence

Silence, in listening, has its own meanings too. Here is an analysis taken from a video by Eckhart Tolle, to understand the deeep meanings that silence can have.

Eckhart Tolle

What lies between words is more important than words. It is not nothingness: it is an energy field. The very fact that you can notice the moments of silence between words means that you are bringing your mental presence to those moments, and that they are significant.

In the moment of pause between sentences, you can allow yourself not to think, and if the gap becomes too long, you will notice that you can think, or you may not even think. This coming and going of thoughts is the most important thing to notice in the whole cycle of a person’s life. The sensations of thinking, of being able to think without losing self-awareness, are rare and noble moments.

From the perspective of an ordinary mind, the silence between words seems almost nothing, nothing at all, something not even comprehensible. However, it is the fundamental moment of being, of the most important form of being, that which is in the background, the non-form that makes up most of ourselves.

The field of awareness encompasses both words and, above all, silence, its meanings, and what emerges during silence, especially what arises from silence: sensory perception, stillness, grounding.

All that matters here is to bring presence to the moments of silence, of apparent emptiness, that makes the words themselves possible. There is a special ability, the ability to stay alert outside the illusion of thought, outside the illusion that leads us to identify with the continuous flow of thoughts.

Maintaining awareness even in moments of silence means gaining self-awareness, the knowledge of existing even without the need for tangible ‘things’, the knowledge of being, no matter what.

Listening to and appreciating silence does not increase knowledge, but it does increase awareness.

Furthermore, active listening knows how to appreciate pauses, silences, how to attribute meaning to them, how to value them, without treating them as ‘lost moments’ or wasted time. They become sacred moments, behind which the deepest meanings are hidden. In my coaching and counselling sessions I often invite clients to pause for a moment of silence before giving an answer to my question. And very often, this generates completely different, and deeper, responses than the immediate answer. Very often, precious nuggets are hidden behind a silence, and sometimes silence is the ingredient that brings them out.

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2. Communication and listening as encounter between worlds

Article translated by dott. Marco Recalenda, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

2.3. The relational approach. A question of voice, words, and content

During any human interaction, there are moments of rapprochement and estrangement between people. Listening, when well done, is certainly a moment of relational rapprochement.

Words take on meaning only based on an agreement between the parties, otherwise they would just be empty sounds. The theory of the Coordinated Management of Meanings[1] highlights precisely that the word with its set of shared meanings is the result of a work of coordination between the many possible meanings. For the listener, being reassured about the meaning of the primary words we are using is crucial.

If an entire discourse, for example, revolves around the theme of Corporate Training, it is not a bad idea to actively ask “What is your conception of Corporate Training?” and compare it with your own.

In this way we will know if there are any divergences of meaning (semantic divergences) that might hinder our understanding.

To judge a man, one must at least know the secret of his thinking, his misfortunes, his emotions.

 (Honoré de Balzac)

There are distances, relational distances, no less important than physical distances. Listening is the most powerful mechanism we have for reducing relational distances between human beings.

Incommunicability, on the other hand, is an enemy both of communication between people and of human mechanisms such as being friends, getting along, doing things together and having fun. It also affects relations in companies, between companies, between nations and even between whole cultures and global areas.

I give a brief initial example of good listening skills, made, not by chance, by a friend who is also a psychotherapist and counsellor, to whom I tell by phone the joy of starting this book:

  • Daniele “You know Lorenzo, it’s coming out really well, today I was in the library with all the windows open, crisp air, and I wrote really well, the book is starting to take shape, I can feel it flowing”.
  • Lorenzo: “I’m glad to hear you are so lively”.

As can be seen, the active listening of my colleague and friend Dr. Lorenzo Manfredini does not even concern himself with the content (he could have asked, for example, which chapter I was on), but “reflects” a very special kind of listening, that of my mood, perceived above all by the paralinguistic system (tone of voice, timbre, speed of speech, intonation), even more than by the words themselves (verbal component, the words I used).

Intonation is one of the ‘prosodic elements’ of language. It is composed of the tone and modulation of the voice during the articulation of a word or sentence. Prosody is the part of linguistics that studies the intonation, rhythm, duration, and accent of spoken language. Prosodic information, such as intonation, is full of meanings, for example, it tells us something about the health and fitness of the speaker, the energy in circulation, the mood. An example of augmented listening is listening to intonation:

“The rising and falling tone or the use of a particular chant are ‘paralinguistic’ elements of communication, which add to the meaning conveyed by words. This level of communication can never be eliminated from vocal communication, not even from artificially produced communication, which in fact often appears mechanical to us precisely because of its ‘flat’ intonation. Paralinguistic communication mainly conveys information about the identity of the speaker (gender, geographical origin, etc.) and about the relationships that the sender intends to establish with the recipient (play, joke, command, question, etc.)”[2]


 

And that is exactly what the friend did, connecting to the relationship of “sharing happiness” which was my primary communicative intent.

Listening to the underlying communicative intent, and not just the words, is an example of listening beyond words, and augmented perception.

This is to say that advanced active listening can enter our every moment, our every day, it requires skills, and it is not just about the words, but rather and above all about the communicative intent that a person expresses, usually doing so in a totally undeclared way.

If we had been in a project in which this transmission of messages was connected to a deadline, the question could have been about what page I was on in relation to the deadline; the communicative intent could have been about a practical need to understand if we were late, and that would have been the appropriate question, but as this was not the case, a far superior, advanced, active listening competence emerged.

“Speech belongs half to the speakerhalf to the listener.”

Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

Whenever we listen deeply, in some way, we are connecting to the inner worlds of people, we are getting closer to the ‘core’ of the individual, to their ‘moods’, their personality, their history, and not just facts and figures. Then, and only then, can we begin to grasp its infinite nuances, and begin to understand it.

2.4. Listening to the micro-signals of voice and words. From vocal stress to quality of pronunciation, to confidence and trustworthiness, to gait. Listening to the ‘whole’

Auditory listening comes through the vibrations of the vocal cords creating sounds, which we recognise as words.

When we are stressed, e.g., by telling a lie, or dealing with a subject that is overly sensitive to us, the body unconsciously activates the attack-escape system (sympathetic nervous system) – increasing the readiness of the muscles to spring into action. The vocal cords do not escape, and their vibration goes from a state of relaxation to a more tremulous voice (microtremors) which corresponds to a voice under stress.

This is to say that while we are listening, not only do ‘grammatical’ words come in, but my processing of what I hear takes place, and a form of judgement or evaluation is triggered, not only of the content (ethical or moral evaluation), but also of the speaker’s skills, or his state of stress. If an Italian person quotes a word in English, e.g., Bed & Breakfast, based on how well he pronounces even single words in English, I will understand how familiar he is with that language, how much he has studied it, and even whether he has lived there for a long time. This is augmented perception. Someone who talks about sales and uses the word Sales literally, verbatim – is telling us, unintentionally, that they have extremely poor English and probably do not have the awareness to make a big impression on someone who knows the language well.

People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and ends, but to me it’s quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colors. Waxy yellows, cloud-spot blues. Murky darkness. In my line of work, I make it a point to notice them. 

(Markus Zusak)

If while the person is speaking, we hear a vocal tremor, we are practising advanced listening, listening to the components of vocal stress is an indicator of ongoing lies or emotional difficulties, we think the person is under stress.

Not only that, but we also listen more than words if we phone a person in the morning, and we hear a low timbre of voice, so we go as far as to ask, “oh sorry, did you just wake up?” even if the person answering the phone does not mention it at all. We pick it up from the voice, from its qualities. Our mirror neurons allow us to identify and feel what we perceive. The thought of what might be happening takes shape in our mind, based on what might have happened to us on similar occasions. This is also an advanced and active listening dynamic.

“The first step to understanding reality is to become aware of how it takes shape in our mind.”

Stefano Nasetti

But back to examples of content. If I talk about white fibres and red fibres (two different types of muscle fibres)[3],I assume that the other person understands me and has studied motor sciences or medicine or physiology.

And not only that. The quality of the exposition will tell me a lot about his cultural status, and the calmness with which he expounds will help me to understand if it is the first time or one of the many he talks about, and therefore if he is an expert in the field or not (and this without the person having either said or officially announced it).

And always looking at the ‘unspoken’, it is enough to see a person enter a bar or walk down the street and deduce from the type of walk, posture and body size and their proportions, a lot of data with respect to age, state of health, doing or not doing sports, and a lot of other information.

2.5. Meeting between worlds and personal ‘spheres

Really important encounters are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.

(Paulo Coelho)

Cultural and professional backgrounds, combined with our personal history, our state of mind, our values, make us unique “systems”.

Everyone is unique, a ‘sphere’ of meanings, energies, dreams, ambitions, tangible cells, and intangible thoughts.

Listening means getting closer to that sphere. Deep listening means entering that sphere.

The more you activate empathy, the more you enter the “core” of the person.

Each person can be likened metaphorically to an energy field, a field of light, which at some time meets other energy fields, other fields of light, finding or not finding possibilities for exchange, osmosis, transmission of signals, or remaining distant, impermeable.

 Eventually soulmates meet, for they have the same hiding place.

(Robert Brault)

If I assume that we will magically understand each other, I will not be doing quality listening. Listening means being ready to approach worlds we do not know, and not just letting words in through our ears.

We find ourselves in a world in which everyone is within their own ‘sphere’ – a set of thoughts, signals, words, values, – together referred to in the HPM method as the ‘Semiosphere’. Each of us lives in a ‘world’, in a sphere of words, concepts, ideologies and beliefs about the world and ourselves. Communication poses the challenge of passing messages between people from different backgrounds. Listening must always consider the possibility that the other person has a different culture from ours, even if it is only slightly different, which would imply the need to listen without preconceptions. Even the difference between a humanistic and a technical-engineering education can create a degree of incommunicability. Not understanding each other is more frequent than we think.

Every day we go around in a crowd, we run here and there, we almost touch each other but, there is truly little contact. All those missed encounters. All those missed opportunities. It is disturbing when you think about it. Maybe it is better not to think about it at all.

(Jonathan Coe)

Every professional or family background offers you a world of words that you use daily, until those words become your world. This world becomes your daily sphere, your sphere of words, your sphere of relationships, your sphere of high or low, strong, or weak energies.

At some moment, these spheres have occasion for contact, but the different backgrounds make understanding not automatic or obvious.

When this moment of contact occurs, the two ‘spheres’ can repel each other ‘by the skin’, like two balls of equal magnetic charge repel each other.

Attraction or repulsion occurs when archaic elements of the brain (archipallium) give us signals of displeasure or pleasantness, towards a face or smells that offer us signals of danger, or with signals that also come from body language, posture, smiles and facial expressions. If the signals are negative, they alert our alarm systems, they are certainly not conducive to listening, but if we know that they are being activated, we can go beyond those signals, listen, and perceive with greater awareness what is happening inside us.

Listening to a person who disturbs us is something we avoid as much as possible and reduce to the bare minimum, and we notice this even between people who love each other but have had a fight. There is no less talking, there is less listening.

Listening therefore means much more than hearing words, but observing movement, the body, gestures, facial expressions, objects, moods.

Miraculously (but it is not a miracle, but the effect of well analysable human mechanisms) the opposite can also happen, a magnetic-like attraction, a human contact where we can find an understanding with someone, a way to share something between our spheres of meaning. And almost always, in this case, listening will become an extremely pleasant process.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

(Winston Churchill)

[1] Pearce, W. B.; Pearce, K. “Extending the Theory of the Coordinated Management of Meaning (“CMM”) Through a Community Dialogue Process” . Communication Theory. 10: 2000.

Pearce, W. Barnett, Vernon E. Cronen, and Linda M. Harris. “Methodological considerations in building human communication theory.” Human communication theory: Comparative essays (1982): 1-41.

[2] Voce Intonazione, da Microsoft ® Encarta ® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation.

[3] Fibre muscolari a contrazione lenta o veloce  – Le fibre muscolari striate sono classificate in fibre a contrazione lenta (I tipo) e veloce (II tipo). Le fibre di I tipo sono responsabili del tono muscolare; esse presentano un colore più scuro e vengono chiamate anche fibre rosse, per la ricchezza di mioglobina, si contraggono più lentamente e hanno una resistenza maggiore all’esaurimento (sono i muscoli che prevalgono ad esempio in un maratoneta); quelle di II tipo, invece, sono più chiare (chiamate quindi fibre bianche), producono scatti potenti ed esauriscono l’energia rapidamente (sono la tipologia muscolare che coltiva un sollevatore di pesi, un artista marziale, o un pugile, ad esempio). La maggior parte dei muscoli scheletrici è composta da fibre di entrambi i tipi.

Le fibre di cui disponiamo non sono solo geneticamente determinate, ma si modificano con l’allenamento e in base al tipo specifico di allenamento.

Il potenziamento dell’uno o dell’altro tipo di fibre muscolari attraverso uno specifico allenamento permette lo sviluppo di qualità fisiche come la resistenza, l’elasticità muscolare, la velocità. In altre parole, è possibile determinare le tipologie di muscoli che vogliamo avere e le loro qualità principali.

Elaborato con modifiche da Microsoft ® Encarta ®. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation.

Source:

Article translated by dott. Marco Recalenda, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

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Laboratorio Negoziazione degli Ostaggi (5)

Riepilogo didattico Lezione 4 (18/03/2021) Prof Daniele Trevisani www.studiotrevisani.it

Presso Campus Ciels Padova, Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica LM

Corso di Negoziazione, vedi Trevisani Daniele – Campus Ciels

Parole chiave della lezione

  • 4 Levels Empathy – 4 Livello di Empatia
  • Problem Solving – Risoluzione dei Problemi
  • Pensiero Critico
  • Creatività
  • People Management – Gestione delle Persone
  • Coordinamento
  • Intelligenza Emotiva
  • Giudizio e Decisione
  • Orientamento al Servizio
  • Flessibilità Cognitiva
  • Evocazioni Semantiche
  • Reframing Cognitivo – Rinquadramento Cognitivo
  • Metacomunicazione
  • Mentoring
  • Mix di Emotions

Concetti fondamentali trattati

A lezione si sono visti i dieci elementi, abilità, skills fondamentali spendibili nel mondo del lavoro fra cui, come è ovvio, c’è la capacità negoziale e di ascolto empatico che, in particolare quest’ultimo, alleniamo a lezione con esercitazioni. Abbiamo osservato un video che spiega come organizzare i piani per il futuro, quali siano i cinque elementi da fissare e da sapere per raggiungere i suddetti obiettivi. Una volta individuati i nostri obiettivi futuri, abbiamo fatto pratica conversazionale fra di noi e col prof per praticare l’ascolto emotivo/attivo. Inoltre abbiamo osservato nuovamente come praticare il ghost customer tramite due esempi portatici dal docente che, per nostra sfortuna, hanno avuto esito negativo.

Sintesi del mio apprendimento

Ho allenato la mia capacità di ascolto attivo, di ascolto partecipativo, di ascolto emotivo, insomma, in generale ho migliorato ancora di più la mia capacità d’ascolto. Inoltre ho acquistato un nuovo strumento per raggiungere i miei obiettivi.

Fonti

Rielaborazione di Pasqualini Tommaso sullo svolgimento didattico

The Scale of Listening Levels

Ascolto attivo ed empatia: I segreti di una comunicazione efficace di [Daniele Trevisani]
Article translated by dott.ssa Federica Franca, CIELS Advanced Degree in Strategic Communication (“Laurea Magistrale in Comunicazione Strategica”), extracted with the author’s permission from the book “Active Listening and Empathy. The Secrets for Effective Communication” (original title: “Ascolto attivo ed empatia. I segreti di una comunicazione efficace”), written by Daniele Trevisani, published by Franco Angeli, Milan.

2.9 Empathic listening

Listening without bias or distraction is the greatest value you can pay another person.

(Denis Waitley)

Empathy is a superior and highly advanced state of human relationships. It means learning how to put yourself in someone’s shoes in order to feel what they feel.

Empathy – per se – is neither positive nor negative: we can also use it to understand the way outlaws and killers think and to find out what their next move is going to be (strategic empathy).

 In wider terms, when referring to everyday human and professional relationships, empathy is positive and rare. As Jeremy Rifkin points out:

“empathic consciousness is based on the awareness that others – like us – are unique and mortal beings. We empathise with people because we recognise their fragile and limited nature, their vulnerability and their one and only life; we experience their existential aloneness, suffering and struggle to exist and evolve as if these feelings were ours. Our empathic embrace is our way to sympathise with the others and to celebrate their lives”.[1]

Empathy is rare because it requires the subtle ability to “tune in” emotionally and to understand the hidden, emotional and personal levels of the interlocutor’s experience – rather than the numerical or objective data they expose. Empathy also uses metacommunication (meaning “communication about communication itself ”): for instance, it fearlessly asks for the meaning of a word it does not understand or it explains useful ideas for the communication process itself – when the listener does not speak.

Empathic listening is rare. We could say last time we found it was when a person listened to us for an entire hour, without talking about themselves – only listening to what we wanted to say (both information and emotions) and asking questions for a better understanding. If this has ever happened to you, it was probably during a coaching, counselling or therapy session. It rarely happens in daily life.

Shorter periods of time – but with the same listening intensity – can be found in real friendship or with loyal partners at work, but the attention is not necessarily focused on one person – as it happens when talking about empathy. Besides, if specific courses to learn empathy are needed, it is because school, academic education and manuals tend to give information, rather than teaching how to listen.

Just as the art of narrating exists – firmly codified through thousands of attempts and mistakes – the art of listening also exists, equally ancient and noble, which, however, as far as i know, has never been validated.

(Primo Levi)

The most difficult part of empathic listening is the suspension of judgement. If anyone says, “I hit my child” or “I threw the rubbish bag out the window”, it is impossible not to judge. Yet, “suspending the judgement” means precisely that – and not to “make judgement disappear”. Suspending it is fundamental in order to understand what, where, how and why certain things happens. If we did not do it, we would miss a large part of the information we could obtain.

2.10. Sympathetic listening

Sometimes, some fondness are so powerful that, when meeting for the first time, it feels like meeting again.

 (Alfred de Musset)

Sympathetic listening expresses affinity towards the speaker; it aims to both listen and show affection and delight during the interaction. Sympathetic listening is not necessarily better than empathic listening; it is just different. Here the priority is to give to the other person the feeling of pleasantness and closeness. Making the interlocutor understand that we are interested in what they say is fundamental – not only regarding the information itself, but also for the person expressing it. The act of listening becomes part of a relational game that has a seductive component; what we are interested in is not a passive data analysis, but we strongly admire and appreciate what has been said. Listening shows human warmth, delight and appreciation, with both verbal and non-verbal communication. Let’s consider a very practical aspect: sympathetic listening brings people closer and this is an excellent psychological strategy for a deeper and more accurate listening.

“We usually consider as good listeners only those people who share our opinion.”

François de La Rochefoucauld

Sympathetic listening can be easily – and wrongly – defined “panderer listening”, but let ask ourselves whether we live in a society that is stingy with compliments. Our society is quick to judge and blame – and it is also stingy, even when we do something good. That is why sympathetic listening – whenever there is the right opportunity – is a precious gift.

When we listen to a person and we sense something good, we should feel free to experience it, without being ashamed.

“Does the song of the sea end at the shore or in the hearts of those who listen to it?”

Khalil Gibran

Throughout the manual various techniques, methods and strategies to practise active and deep listening, to reach hearts and minds, to gather information and to work effectively together will be described.

Yet, whatever our intentions and abilities, there is one thing that cannot be taught, but only recommended: to be willing to listen.

Fig. 4 – Levels of listening quality

 


[1]  Jeremy Rifkin (2011). La civiltà dell’empatia. La corsa verso la coscienza globale nel mondo in crisi. Milano, Mondadori, p. 532 [Eng: “The Empathic Civilization: The Race to Global Consciousness in a World in Crisis. N.d.T.]

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